tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
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I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
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Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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