And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
