Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
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Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize