Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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