he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
