who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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