Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I will pee on everything he values.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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