we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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