last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
