it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
