it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
