making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
