i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
