New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
