She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Randomize
