Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
