i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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