she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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