I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I am one with the molecules
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
