I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
