dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Found your dick twin last night
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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