He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
