He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
