I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
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answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
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He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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