Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude i'm inner monologue high
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
