I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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