Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Bring me that man meat
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
