You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize