Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
