his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Randomize
