she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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