You're completely useless in the revolution.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
don't judge my taste in strippers
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
