I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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