Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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