There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
