i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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