I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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