I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
