My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
