Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
