dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
