HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
