Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
