and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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