i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
