I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
