Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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