I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So vagazzling was a success
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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