Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
