Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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