have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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