I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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