Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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