I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
