Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
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She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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