I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
