He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
