Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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