Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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