Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
