If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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