the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
