Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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