You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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