Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize