I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
